The Fear

I think we tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to find the one or someone. It kind of sucks. We try and find people we want to spend a lifetime with; but in all honest, I don’t even know what I want to eat for dinner tonight and I can’t decide between Bob’s Burgers or QI. How do I know what I want for the rest of my life?

People keep saying “you'll just know” but, I really don’t think that’s the case. Especially, these people who are either serial daters, or those who think they’re going to marry their childhood sweetheart. How do you know tomorrow that you wont get bored of his incessant babbling about the Man Utd match, or the way he shakes his knees when he’s sitting at the table for dinner? How could you possibly know that all the things that are sweet and congenial right now won’t be the most displeasing traits he possesses in just a matter of years?

What is truly frightening is giving yourself to someone. Giving all of you to someone for them to just leave you. Making all these memories, going to all these places, doing all these firsts with someone you can’t imagine yourself functioning adequately without, then in no time at all, they decide to leave you. What then? How do you recover from that? Surely, all those things would haunt you. Every time you go to those places how do you prevent all those, once so happy, memories surfacing? For me, it’s genuinely incomprehensible. I'm pretty sure it’s a large part of why being so involved with someone is a daunting concept for me.

I can’t imagine creating something supposedly magical with someone could later cause me to turn all those rose-tinted memories to black ash. How is it okay that something at one point in time could cause you to be the happiest person in the world, to then later cause you nothing but overwhelming pain?

It’s not that I don’t want someone to create amazing memories with; believe me I do, I just can not imagine that person knowing me and being the reason for my smile whilst simultaneously being the sole reason for my tears. How can you walk away from the person who knows you better than you know yourself?

I get why people do it. You grow. You change. You aren’t those teenagers who fell in loved when you were 15 anymore. You’ve both changed. Your goals aren’t compatible. You want different things. The list of reasons is never ending. It must be so devastating. It is possible to die of a broken heart. It is possible to break a heart string.

That’s what I’m really afraid of. No, not the dying. That, as Peter Pan stated “would be an awfully big adventure” but, the fact someone I LOVE could be the reason for my sadness. And from what I can see, heartbreak sounds like one of the deepest kind of sad. I don’t think I'm ready to surrender to the possibility.

Remember, I've never been in a relationship, so what do I know?!

Until next time, remember I've said it so it must be true....

Chantelle₇


My 19th birthday...

Oh My Gosh!! A blog post? After how long? You though I'd given up. Stopped. Nuh-uh hunay. I'm still here. As cute and sassy as every, but also I don't think there's enough useless stuff on the internet and obviously the world would be at a loss if I were to cease leaving my online footprint EVERYWHERE. So here's a #TBT (throw back Tuesday (ain't nobody got time to wait for Thursday)).

The chronicles of my 19th birthday.....

Was the best night out I've ever had the pleasure to experience.

Everything about this evening was perfect. 

So, on the 16th of January we went to the cutest pub in Chelsea to have a wonderful meal. Earlier that day I went for a walk in Wembley, around the local park and it snowed! 

On the 17th, I spent the day with Alice and Jess, chilling. We decided a while ago we'd go out on the Saturday so I could turn 19 on the night out. I got ready and was told to be in flat 404 at 8. 

I got there and everyone was there. It was so cute. I walked in to see all my best friends. They'd decorated the flat with balloons and banners. There was a beautiful cake and so many presents.

I was told to open my cards and presents and was overwhelmed at the amount of time and effort everyone had put into everything. 

I almost cried so many times by just 10 o' clock. 

People were in and out of the room as we pre drank together. 

Then we left to go to Camden. 

We got to Camden station, after Amber manages to completely smash her new iPhone 6+ screen to pieces and for some bizarre and hilarious reason slapped Jack, and Alice falls on the platform. 

She's badly injured her ankle, can't move, she's crying. Another girl, who we don't know, is lying on the platform, convulsing. 

Michael and Jack both help this unknown girl, get her into the recovery position and call for assistance. While I help Alice. 

We get out of the station. Amber is wasted. So is Alice and now she's injured. Jess needs to take a moment to catch her thoughts, Freya is done with the evening and so is James. So we order an Uber. 

The taxi arrives and we send home James, Freya, Alice and Amber. 

Michael somehow convinces me to stay out and carry on the night. That leaves Michael, Jess, Hannah, Jack and I. The fabulous five. D R E A M T E A M. 

We first venture into The Worlds End. 

Then to The Elephants Head where we get the cutest little stamps. 

Then we hit Barfly and party the night away. It was I N C R E D I B L E. 

At 3 we order another Uber but it's not big enough to take us all home so me being a stubborn little princess refuses to get in and Michael playing the gentleman refuses to let me go home alone. 

We spent hours that evening trying to get home. One long walk, three bus rides later and a chilly wait at Wilseden Junction, I hit my elbow on a public telephone for a taxi company. 

Both our phones had died so we were in luck. This is the first time we'd both ever seen a public phone ring! 

Weirdly we both had a ridiculous amount of £5 notes on us and a 10 minute taxi ride later we made it home at 6am. 

That night will always be the most amazing night out of my first year. Funnily enough, the best hours of my birthday day were spent trying to get home. 

It was A M A Z I N G. 

There's not a single thing that happened that evening that I would change. It was P E R F E C T. 

So if you enjoyed reading out my birthday adventures, and if you are an amazing person, share it, like it, tweet about it.

Also, feel free to five me a follow on instagram and twitter, @chantelle_kiran.

Until next time, remember, I've said it so it must be true....

Chantelle7

Song of the post: Wonderwall - Oasis

The 10 stages of being unable to write a blog post

I haven't posted ANYTHING in YEARS. WOW! I am bad at this blog thang. OOPSSS.

So, I've had a writers blog. I am not gifted with words. As the great Victoria Baker Harber once said, "if you cannot wow with words, baffle with bullshit"; words to live by.

1. Lack of ideas. Why don’t I do anything interesting? Maybe people want to know about the contents of my handbag. I doubt it. Wait, I don’t really have a handbag. There’s nothing in the world people haven’t already written about. ANY ideas, come on…

2. Getting an idea but being unable to come up with anything good enough. Did we all see Justin’s new hair? 1D are releasing a new album? How about an article on how to get some good selfie lighting? 👀

3. Watching hours of TV to inspire you. Maybe I will learn something new from a TV show. Once upon a time? Friends? White collar? House? Oh! I know! This is PRIME time to catch up on OITNB.

4. Watching 4 seasons of OITNB and still having no idea what to write. Well I think EVERYONE knows how hot Ruby Rose is. 😍 That was a great way to spend a day but still nothing to write about. LOL @ my life.

5. Picking at anything and everything. Clutching at straws. Maybe people will be interested in Land Law? Or EU law? Then again, I think if that were the case they’d have chosen to do a law degree. Who does that? Oh, wait….

6. Listening to some music to get you in the writing mood. EMINEM anyone? The man has such a way with words. True talent right there.

7. Learning the lyrics to the 12 new songs in the charts. All this time I though they’ve been saying “like the legend of the penis” but apparently not….

8. Harassing your housemates for ideas. Jessssssss? Whatcha doin’????? Alisssssson? What’s a farmers’ life really like?

9. Hoping you’ll do something blog worthy. Maybe if I drink enough ill do something REALLY stupid and I can blog about it. I’m sure people want to read about me taking my top off in Camden right?

10. Realising you’ve got nothing, maybe that’s it. What am I doing with my life? Nothing, apparently. Maybe that’s a good post in itself.

I will do my very very best to post more regularly. 

Until next time, remember I've said it so it must be true....

Chantelle₇


Song of the post: What do you mean? - Justin Bieber 

I'm in love with YOU, and ALL your little things....

So, I was watching a YouTube video yesterday and it was about wearing everything you’ve been told not to. Now, I'm a believer in wearing what makes you feel good, but I also think if a friend or family member suggests you not wear something, it is probably for a good reason.

I think most people dress to highlight their best features. Boys and girls do it. Its not a girl thing. For example, if a guy’s favourite feature is his back, he probably wears crazy tight shirts, or if a girl’s favourite feature are her legs she probably wears cute skirts and dresses to show off those pins.

GO FOR IT.

But, that also got me thinking, what do people think is their best feature?

I sent out a text to some very textually active humans;

And these are the replies:

Mature, I know...

So, it seems it's actually a bit of a difficult question. But, I think it's a shame people aren't just confident enough to give their answers.

Everyone should learn to love themselves a little bit more. *Sending positive vibes*

I've also learnt that I've got some seriously sassy friends.

Until next time, remember I've said it so it must be true....

Chantelle₇


Song of the post: Shake it off - Taylor Swift