The Fear

I think we tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to find the one or someone. It kind of sucks. We try and find people we want to spend a lifetime with; but in all honest, I don’t even know what I want to eat for dinner tonight and I can’t decide between Bob’s Burgers or QI. How do I know what I want for the rest of my life?

People keep saying “you'll just know” but, I really don’t think that’s the case. Especially, these people who are either serial daters, or those who think they’re going to marry their childhood sweetheart. How do you know tomorrow that you wont get bored of his incessant babbling about the Man Utd match, or the way he shakes his knees when he’s sitting at the table for dinner? How could you possibly know that all the things that are sweet and congenial right now won’t be the most displeasing traits he possesses in just a matter of years?

What is truly frightening is giving yourself to someone. Giving all of you to someone for them to just leave you. Making all these memories, going to all these places, doing all these firsts with someone you can’t imagine yourself functioning adequately without, then in no time at all, they decide to leave you. What then? How do you recover from that? Surely, all those things would haunt you. Every time you go to those places how do you prevent all those, once so happy, memories surfacing? For me, it’s genuinely incomprehensible. I'm pretty sure it’s a large part of why being so involved with someone is a daunting concept for me.

I can’t imagine creating something supposedly magical with someone could later cause me to turn all those rose-tinted memories to black ash. How is it okay that something at one point in time could cause you to be the happiest person in the world, to then later cause you nothing but overwhelming pain?

It’s not that I don’t want someone to create amazing memories with; believe me I do, I just can not imagine that person knowing me and being the reason for my smile whilst simultaneously being the sole reason for my tears. How can you walk away from the person who knows you better than you know yourself?

I get why people do it. You grow. You change. You aren’t those teenagers who fell in loved when you were 15 anymore. You’ve both changed. Your goals aren’t compatible. You want different things. The list of reasons is never ending. It must be so devastating. It is possible to die of a broken heart. It is possible to break a heart string.

That’s what I’m really afraid of. No, not the dying. That, as Peter Pan stated “would be an awfully big adventure” but, the fact someone I LOVE could be the reason for my sadness. And from what I can see, heartbreak sounds like one of the deepest kind of sad. I don’t think I'm ready to surrender to the possibility.

Remember, I've never been in a relationship, so what do I know?!

Until next time, remember I've said it so it must be true....

Chantelle₇


What’s a cheetah?

Curiosity killed the cat. Get it? 


But seriously, I was curious to find out what people class as cheating. Obviously, I’m not talking about academic cheating, I’m fairly certain the majority of us have cheated on a test in school, whether that’s taking a pencil with the timetables printed on it into a maths test, or its sneaking a peak at your French oral, we’ve probably all been there. But I don’t think EVERYONE has cheated whilst in a relationship.

First, I think you can only really cheat on someone if you’re actually in a relationship. If you’re a couple. I don’t think you can cheat on someone if you’re not actually exclusive. So when I say cheating I’m talking about what would you class as cheating if you were in a relationship with someone. A monogamous relationship where it is clear you’re 110% with each other and no one else.

If you’re at that awkward stage where you’re flirting with someone casually then I wouldn’t say kissing someone else is cheating. However, if you have spoken and your intentions are that something will come from this flirting, such as a relationship, then don’t cheat.

Someone I know thinks they cheated on their now girlfriend with a friend of theirs, but I disagree.

This kid thinks he cheated on her whilst they were not together. They had broken up and weren’t talking for a while. Then they started talking and were back together but they called it off again. Then, he kissed someone and now he’s delusional enough to think he’s cheated on her.

From what I know….

They were not classing themselves as a couple. Yes, he might have started talking to her again in a romantic way, but at the time they were not an exclusive thing.

So, first I asked a bunch of ‘random’ people this question:

“What do you consider to be cheating?”

“Flirting with someone else in a serious way, being touchy with someone else, seeing someone else.” – Jordan, 15 years old.

“Sleeping with someone else, kissing someone else, etc.” – Alice, 20 years old.

“To gain feelings for someone or to physically be involved with them, like from sexual contact. Even down to a kiss is a cheat. Messaging a girl, I don't care about as long as they are just friends with each other.” Kayleigh, 19 years old.

“I think getting physically involved.” – Gülşah, 19 years old.

“Depends on their intentions.” Jess, 19 years old.

“Hmmm I think it depends, like thinking someone is cute looks wise is okay, but I wouldn't be happy if the person I was with could see themselves in a relationship with another person.” Jess, 19 years old.

“Flirting with someone else. Because after that it's only a matter of time before they go and sleep with someone else. The seed had been sown.” – Anissa, 19 years old.

“Emotional cheating-so like flirting, clearly having feelings for another girl or guy.” – Georgia, 19 years old.

“Anything, it’s not difficult to stay faithful if you really do love someone because you can’t imagine doing ANYTHING else with ANYONE else.” – Jess, 64 years old.

“It’s not good, only kiss the one you love lots and lots.” – Luca, 5 years old.

Basically, anything can be cheating, it’s a very personal thing and its apparently subject to a lot of terms and conditions.

Then I asked, “Can you cheat on someone if you’re not mutually exclusive and you’re basically just flirting with them? Does that count as having cheated on them? If you kissed someone whilst talking to someone else in a flirty way would you have cheated on the person you’re talking to?”

“I think you've been incredibly disrespectful to that person but not necessarily cheated. If you're taking to someone and telling them that you really like them/ want more with them then just kissing someone else is a bit shit but ultimately, being single, you are free to do as you please. If you're both just being flirty and know there is nothing more there, then it must be kind of expected that you will both kiss/ like other people I suppose...” – Jess.

“Depends whether you were seriously flirting with the person or seriously kissing someone because you liked them. If not, and it was just as friends or it had no serious/deeper meaning then I don't think it's cheating; but if so, then it's cheating. I just think if you like someone you wouldn't kiss someone else or flirt with others just out of respect and fondness for the one you like.” – Jordan.

“I would say no, if you're not mutually exclusive, because you're both technically still free to see other people. But I'd still be pretty hurt if we had a thing going on and he was flirting with other girls.” – Georgia.

“If you’re not exclusive it's not cheating. You don't owe that person anything - you are not theirs and they are not yours.” – Kayleigh.



Other things which were addressed:




To dump or not to dump? Tis the question...


Can you be in love with someone but fancy other people at the same time?

THE conversation

Well, it was interesting to read other people's views on cheating. Honestly, in the situation I'm talking about I do NOT think he cheated on her, so he needs to stop being so harsh on himself and I hope she isn't punishing the poor boy for nothing. Also from what I know, she also kissed someone when they weren't together, does that mean she cheated? Does that make them even? 




All I know is that I hope these two forget all that and enjoy the time they have together. It's rare you find someone so special when you're so young, cherish it. 

Also, if it feels wrong: don't do it. Or if you would be upset if the roles were reversed; don't do it. 

Who knows!

Thank you to these not so random people for answering my questions. You're incredible. 




Follow me on twitter and instagram because I'm pretty cute sometimes, @chantelle_kiran.

Until next time, remember I've said it so it must be true....

Chantelle₇