Tuesday, 14 July 2015

Drunken thoughts I've had in a toilet cubical...

We've all been there. We've been drinking since about 2 o'clock (well we woke up at 1 so obviously we can't start any earlier) and it's gotten to midnight, we've made it through pres without breaking the seal and now it is time to G O.

We've managed to manouvour our way down 2 flights of stairs, past the girl crying on the phone and away from the creep trying to summon you over. The B A T H R O O M. Most of the time we make the trek with our friends, because remember when Hermione Granger went to the bathroom alone? We wouldn’t want a repeat of that. We stumble into the stall, plonk our drunken derrieres onto the loo….

And we've probably had a few of these thoughts run through our drunken minds:

I wonder if I pee loudly. Can everyone hear me? Am I louder than everyone else? Maybe if I sit a bit different? Well that didn’t help. Maybe if I try and pee slower? Nope, no good either. Okay maybe I'm over thinking this? No one has ever commented on it. It's got to be in my head.

Why didn’t I check for toilet paper? Why is there never any in the cubical I pick? Who doesn’t leave spare rolls lying around?

I haven't smudged my lipstick have I? Am I wearing lipstick? Did I even put any on?

Where are the hot guys at? I'm cute. I'm single. I've tried my best to put my RBF away. Come at me Zac Efron. What would Zac be doing in London? We can all hope…

*High fives self* at least I haven't chundered. Y E T.

Do I have any change? The toilet attendant is probably going to pass me a paper towel. Why do I spend so much money on alcohol? How do I not have A N Y change?

I wonder what her life story is. How do you even become a toilet attendant? What qualifications do you have to have? Maybe that’s where they’ve gone wrong? Maybe ill end up here too…?

T O I L E T F R I E N D S!!!

What am I doing?

I've spent so long in here, what if someone thinks I'm taking a dump? How vile. I wouldn’t do that. I'm not that girl.

When is it time to get food? What do I want to eat?

Where is everyone?

Better go find them….
*leaves feeling like Beyonce*

 So if you enjoyed reading that, and you’ve ever had one of these thoughts when drunk, feel free to share it, like it, and tweet about.

Also follow me on twitter and instagram because I'm pretty fabulous, @chantelle_kiran.

Until next time, remember I've said it so it must be true....


Song of the post: Black Magic - Little Mix

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