This was actually something I wrote a while ago, I'm so ready to leave so much in 2015, so here's one I made early, it's so 2015 and you know what? There's only 9 days left....
I recently started having a much needed,
alcohol induced, conversation with a friend of mine. Our friendship got
complicated, we’ve lost a lot of time and it’s so unnecessarily awkward for us;
I used to be able to talk to them about everything, and more important nothing,
for hours. We started talking, and I finally
got my long anticipated apology. And, for that, I am so grateful.
I think people thoroughly underestimate the
power of a meaningful apology. After everything I had to put up with, and what
I am still having to endure, due to their actions and a lot of his inactions; I value
that apology so much. It will never really
make anything better; but, it does mean they recognised they spoilt it, they ruined
it, they regrets hurting me, and I can undoubtedly forgive them for that.
When we
were talking, he stated he wished I had someone like he does. He wished I was
in love.
This left me perplexed. It actually irritated
me a little too. The problem with us, as a generation, is that we are so busy trying to find someone,
something to complete us. We are
completely addicted to the concept of love.
We thrive on thinking we’re in love. We’re obsessed with wanting to be
in love, wanting to find it, wanting to really feel it. Because, for us the
real question is; what is life if you’re not in love?
Well, how
can I put this? I call bullshit.
I grabbed
his arm and told him that if what him and his girlfriend have is love, I would
rather NEVER be in it.
I don’t mean to be dramatic. And, it’s not
particularly personal to their relationship; but, as someone who isn’t even 20
yet, I am in absolutely no rush to attach myself to another person when I’ve
barely lived. I want to be able to live a life where I can tell my own stories,
learn my own life lessons, be young, dumb and reckless without it being a
consequence to anyone else.
What I'm saying is, we’ve just stopped being in school. We have just moved out. A lot of us are experiencing independence for the
FIRST time. There are so many things I haven’t yet done, there’s so many things
I didn’t even know I hadn’t done.
These kids in serious relationship are attaching so much meaning to a person that
they lose who they are without that
person. They rather hold onto something mediocre and comfortable than risk
being alone for a while and going into the unknown. The fear of the unknown is
so real. It scares them more to be alone than it does to be unhappy for the
foreseeable future. Isn’t that a true tragedy?
If you got into a relationship when you were
16, it’s highly likely that you are still stuck in that sixteen-year-old mind
set. You probably do love your partner, but does that mean you're IN love with
them?
Never having been in a relationship, I don’t
know. I have never been in a relationship by choice, I assure you. Not in a
vain way, but I get attention, but how can I commit to a person when I can
barley commit to myself? One day I will love who I am: my body, my hair, my
laugh, every part of myself; then the
next I will be unhappy with my weight, think my hair is boring, hate a little
gap in my teeth. I can’t even commit to loving me, how can I guarantee someone
else I will love them?
If I look at the people around me, I have two
friends who have loved their partners since they were about 16. When they’re
with their girlfriends they change, it feels like they regress. I don’t think
anyone works hard to change, to then be with someone who doesn’t add to your
life and even takes you back to a time where you are your former self. These
boys seem to be growing so much when they came to university. Obviously, I
didn’t know them before, but even from the beginning of our first year till the
end they changed SO much. They became confident, more themselves, more
assertive, more daring and just happier. When I see them with their
girlfriends, or even when they are more involved with their girlfriends, they
become children once again.
Being stuck at 16 is what we should really fear. They fear being alone.
These people in serious relationships
at sixteen are more afraid of being alone than being just content. How can we
live in a generation where instead of striving for happiness, true ecstasy,
living in bliss, we’re perfectly satisfied living with what’s comfortable
rather than try something new?
Potentially something to reflect on?
Well that was a thought from 2015 I'm glad to have shared. To be honest, a new year genuinely means it's time to leave all of those thoughts, feelings, and negative people in the past and make the BEST of a hopefully brilliant new year!
Until next time, remember I've said it so it must be true....
Chantelle7
